Crickets chirping

Nothing of real interest to report at this time. I guess it would be more accurate to say that I cannot think too much about what is going on out there in the real world of teacher hiring because all I see is the steadfast decline of jobs on the teacher job network and no real "fresh meat" to work with now. I did finally get a very kind rejection letter from a school not too far from here. So I guess it is nice that they are receiving my application...yes?

...and of course that mere thought sparks my panic mode, because I have not received a rejection letter from other schools, perhaps there is still a chance??!? I should know better.

However, I am more ready now, I finally got a haircut yesterday (Tuesday) and even had my first experience with eyebrow threading...my eyebrows are still slightly sensitive from the journey. Perhaps it is better to feel like someone is scraping a multi-toothed fork across your brow, than to feel a soothing hot goop only to be quickly stunned by ripping pain. They say waxing decreases elasticity in your skin...and I might be willing to try the threading out again, but perhaps with someone else who doesn't hover over you and reminding you of all the other facial services she provides...and if I need my upper lip threaded...uh...no, I don't think so?

I even bought some clothes...and I'm trying not to feel guilty for spending money. This is especially so because I just had to buy some new hot rollers because the hot rollers that I have owned for years decided to up and disappear the one day, of a year or so, that I need them. If I had an interview after my haircut yesterday, I would have been super confident with the whole "throw my head back and let my locks fall into the right place" performance. Today was back to, "I'm hot and my hair is frizzed out, so hello again, elastic."

Right now I am waiting for some software to download and then to bed for an early wake-up. I need to find some tangible routine...

closure

So I never received the feedback from the persons I should have received this feedback through. I went to someone else who was involved in the decision-making process, and this was good because he was confused as to what was said in my interview and to hear that something had changed. Well, things have a habit of changing when nothing is decided in over a month. He explained that I would have been chosen for one of the positions (there were two) but my availability was the breaking point (funny how I could hear part of me say "NOOOOO" when I explained where my career environment was changing and I said those words "...do what is best for the business..."

At least I now know that there was nothing else that I could have done better. The bad news is that I wonder how much my management team is willing to invest in me, as far as development opportunities, moving forward as I essentially placed an approximate expiration date on my time with this company. In a matter of two weeks, I will "officially" have been with this company for five years - I state "officially" because I was working shifts before my "actual hire date".

Now that I have some closure, I am ready to go full swing into landing an internship. So now I am swimming through the gut-wrenching tasks of creating cover letters and rewriting my resume to reflect my teaching experiences. This is so difficult.

My determination is only hindered by what happens if I get called for an interview? I feel like a frumpy mess and I am need of a serious haircut. My wardrobe has to transform practically overnight. But I have to fight back those feelings with the "you cannot win the lottery if you never play" mentality. I have come too far to even get to this point - I cannot disappoint myself.

Hello July

...and hello heartache...and loss of motivation. But with the recent heartache, I was hoping to be even more motivated to get moving. Perhaps it is due to a lot of uncertainty and unanswered questions, and this is good as otherwise it would mean major disappointment/frustration.

Last Monday came and went, and I had heard nothing about the position I interviewed for at the END of May. Nobody knew anything it seemed, even a co-worker who has attained this position was wondering why my name was the only one showing up for trainings in a couple of weeks (lots of reasons for this, but nothing else was scheduled for anybody else). As I was working with one of the hiring managers for this position this last Friday, I (stupidly?) nonchalantly asked if they had come to a decision and he shook his head. Yesterday was the highlight of it all. I was helping a customer explore a webpage that the company provides for customers to schedule training sessions. I noticed another co-workers face along with other faces of trainers (this can only happen if a person is a trainer or fulfills trainings as a repair technician, and this face fit none of these roles). I mentioned it to her afterwards and she was like "Yes, I was told on Monday that I got it, but I'm not supposed to tell anyone until it is announced." We started talking a bit, because we're trying to figure out who the second spot went to, but then someone else joined in the conversation (at this point we are speaking as we don't know anything to keep it unknown until an announcement) and they said they heard there was only one spot being filled because the store could not support two, and then she mentioned how she hoped a person would not get the "Business" training position because of whatever reason. I am irked because there was no feedback given to me if there was only one position (others were being told "no") and all I hear is "we'll let you know". This has to be some of the most unprofessional practices that could go on in regards to hiring. I have placed some things on hold or just slowed down the process of it...but now I'm ready to go full steam and look at getting an internship (despite I will be scared to death with just a few days left before school starts to prepare if I am even hired).

I wish I had someone at work I could completely confide in, my husband has already dealt with some of the problems that can arise if the wrong person hears your concerns. As far as the other half goes, he has returned to his struggle of not knowing what to do with his life. He has some ideas and I know I am the same way (how many times over the last year have I flirted with the idea of getting into the biomedical industry or lab technology, but I have to stay true to the course that doors seem to keep opening for). I wish some doors (and windows) would shut and the true path that God has designed for him becomes a little more obvious. We both know how clear that vision from God appears, often clear as mud. I also wish we had friends that lived closer that we could spend time with. Our two good friends that lived in the area moved back to Austin this last week. How nice it would be to go back, but that cannot happen for quite sometime, at least 18 months from now or until I gain my teacher certification and my husband can either find work there or do enough networking that he can have there what he has here.

Whenever it seems that I am doing something right, I can usually have it confirmed when demons start appearing. Thoughts jump into my head that distract and confuse me and they have nothing to do with the good work I know He has in store for me. The devil expects me to either act on these thoughts or feel guilty about even thinking these things and then feel less worthy, but I know where I am based. I am seated in His Hands, and evil will not keep me from His Love.

I wonder if demons take on sinus infections, because I feel like another one is looming and that is also keeping me off the good pace I started last week off with. My Effective Teaching Practices class starts this week, so maybe that will light a fire under what needs to get moving.

Not motivated or not, this is a good time to do something productive.

Next semi-chapter

***this entry is best viewed if your window is narrower, wider windows mess up the object wrapping below***

It has definitely been a mix of emotions over the last week, but mostly exciting emotions. The last week has been consumed with either driving in the area of my hometown and taking my daughter to the Houston Zoo, reading my current library book, trying to enroll in as many courses that I can for the Region 10 teaching program, or complete the assignments that are part of the introductory phase of this program (i.e. printing out notes, prepping a binder, scheduling my fingerprinting session...etc.).

The trip home was fun, albeit exhausting with all the driving there, to and from all the destinations we visited while there and of course the drive back. Little girl loved the zoo, although she threw her sunglasses into the trashcan which are now "lost" to her (my father bravely stuck his hand inside to rescue them, but to teach her a lesson, let her know they were gone - she will get them back as soon as she needs them and hopefully by then she'll know not to throw her sunglasses away). Mommy had to learn her hard lesson as well, as towards the end of the zoo trip, she noticed that her sunglasses went missing, the ones that were purchased just two days before, *sigh*.

Chilling with "MawMaw"

Posing with "PawPaw"

Despite it being such a very hot week in Texas the last few days, we had a nice time. At least it was not like our last trip to Six Flags when my sister had to be golf-carted to the First Aid Center because of heat exhaustion.

It was crowded this past Saturday, but my father does not get to travel to where we live whenever my mother and sister visit as he is often working. He was very glad to take a few hours to bond with his granddaughter.

The Region 10 whirlwind is going well - I have an Orientation tonight where hopefully things will finally settle in. The last few nights I have been working on the online modules that I have registered for as I only have six weeks to complete it - I'm hoping to have it done before then.

At work: I was pulled aside a couple of days ago to essentially get feedback from my interview. He said my interview was excellent, but he had to know about my availability. Since I knew I was accepted into the program, I felt I had to be honest about what to expect from me regarding availability - and I mentioned that in the best of likelihoods, they would be looking for another to fill my spot at the beginning of next year if I were to be chosen. I told him I understand that they have to make a decision that is best for the company. I really hope they appreciate my honesty and are willing to offer me the position knowing my latest news. They hope to have a final decision by Monday...I think admission of my long term goal may have sunk the short term goal - but I have to be true to myself. I'm just excited they are actually considering me after all the times before where they either did not interview me or gave me contradicting feedback.

At this point, I feel that there is so much to do, but I do not know what to do with myself at this exact moment. I am going to try to update at least once a week. Even if no one reads this, at least it helps me with my own sanity.

...but not for long

I should have been checking my email before I went to work, instead of dealing with the calm but agonizing wait process. When I came home, I decided to check the website to see if the submission checklist had changed, not expecting to see anything else, but was shocked to see a different screen revealing the word acceptance and then the almost equal shock of paying a pretty hefty acceptance fee in my daze.

I was accepted into the program. Now the next whirlwind begins. Did I mention that God definitely has his hand in ALL of this? Here's why: All along I knew there was going to be an acceptance fee, and I just kind of had a tiny seed of strong faith that we would overcome it when we got to that point, if we ever got to that point. These last couple of weeks have given us a financial beating because Dear Husband has not been teaching lessons since school is out for the summer. So you can imagine the tiny plummet of my gut when I saw the acceptance fee, I thought I would have a few more days to contemplate that barrier. But did I mention this story - less than two months ago, we had to get our G3 serviced because of some stallings in the engine while driving, and in the end we had to pay close to $490 to get it repaired as it was something outside our warranty (and some yadda yadda about not getting is serviced at X miles, we have never had a new car, so servicing the car at x miles is foreign to us). Well, then we get notice (well, my in-laws get a notice, because it is in their name) that there is a recall on pretty much the parts that we had to get service on. So we try to get our money back...but we didn't take it in on time with the servicings and so are only entitled to $X amount. So my father-in-law, who has the check in his name anyways, decides to reason with them. They cannot come to an agreement, so the check stands at 3/5 of the original amount. Dad cashes the check, and then writes us a check...for exactly $500. We are so blessed by his generosity. This check was written out the same day I find out about being accepted, and that the amount to continue with the program is that exact figure.

But I know that He ransomed us for heaven, so why should I be surprised by this non-important amount that came on the wings of faith? Moments like this reaffirm that I am on His intended path, and I hope and pray that I do not go astray.

...and now we wait, again.

...but getting to this point has left me feeling...

I actually got her to say "Cheese!"

I received a text from the person who was holding the third and last recommendation form for the Teacher Preparation and Certification program. "I just sent it." are probably the happiest string of four words I saw today. Of course, I wasn't completely relieved until I saw that it had cleared TPC and its receipt was confirmed on their site. I got an extra little boost when the professor that had submitted the second recommendation sent a secondary response saying he gave me the highest commendation he could think of. God definitely knows the destination and puts the right people in our lives at the right times.

This step has passed, but now we wait for whether I will be accepted into the program. This should take 7-10 days, so hopefully and likely it will not be as much as a hair-pulling experience the last month has been with waiting for recommendations to become completed.

The rest of my day was not as productive as the morning, as in not getting more cleaning done. Little girl's clothes did get their deep washing - when I've had enough of the sighing over the stains that linger still after washing them, and get them soaking in hot water with the Oxi-clean and scrub scrub scrub. I even had to pull out the bleach on a couple of items. So they are in a regular laundry cycle. I keep forgetting that I need to pack, as the two of us will be traveling on Thursday. Husband must stay behind to finish out the musical and get paid.

On the technology front, I'm starting to realize that my six-year old MacBook is showing its age. Just trying to load the above picture, the hard drive had to do three passes to even acknowledge the folder. I will definitely be in the market for a new laptop this year, and although the new Retina Display MacBook Pros are nice, they are more than I will need. The MacBook Air updates are now better contenders to the MacBook Pros that I was primarily considering before last week's keynote. In about a month, I will be in a better position to realistically consider the purchase process and we can see where we are at.

Until next time...

Just one more

On my quest to get all of my requirements for application screening complete, I finally heard back yesterday from one of my professors that he would be happy to endorse me for this program. I submitted his information late last night, Region 10 sent it out around 8am, and the professor completed it before 9am. It is amazing what timely response can do for the spirit. I am now either waiting for one of the original references to submit her form, or for another professor to step out of the shadows and accept to recommend me.

Maybe I should consider one of my lab instructors as a possible reference?

As far as this morning has come along, I got the tires rotated and balanced as well as the oil changed and air filters replaced, all within an hour, and before 10am. Now that I've been home...I have spent an hour doing little, except start some research on air filters. I never seem to have the luck that when I must replace a filter or other seemingly unimportant auto part, my car always have the more "specialized" (i.e. expensive) component that never matches the price of the marquee list of services of the facility. It wasn't so rare that they had to run to an auto parts store. Afterwards, I was texting to my husband that I wonder if any cars use the listed $15 filter or if most cars are "special" like mine.

Now that it is 11am, I feel I must make the most of my day off and get things ready for when little girl and I leave for my old hometown on Thursday. I probably need to send a couple of emails regarding what is planned for this weekend. It is a bummer that I have to leave earlier than desired on Sunday in order to make it to a work meeting, but I will take what I can get.

Still no word on the other work-related game changer, as they are trying to get through another task before they decide. His Timing is perfect, I must always remember that.