closure

So I never received the feedback from the persons I should have received this feedback through. I went to someone else who was involved in the decision-making process, and this was good because he was confused as to what was said in my interview and to hear that something had changed. Well, things have a habit of changing when nothing is decided in over a month. He explained that I would have been chosen for one of the positions (there were two) but my availability was the breaking point (funny how I could hear part of me say "NOOOOO" when I explained where my career environment was changing and I said those words "...do what is best for the business..."

At least I now know that there was nothing else that I could have done better. The bad news is that I wonder how much my management team is willing to invest in me, as far as development opportunities, moving forward as I essentially placed an approximate expiration date on my time with this company. In a matter of two weeks, I will "officially" have been with this company for five years - I state "officially" because I was working shifts before my "actual hire date".

Now that I have some closure, I am ready to go full swing into landing an internship. So now I am swimming through the gut-wrenching tasks of creating cover letters and rewriting my resume to reflect my teaching experiences. This is so difficult.

My determination is only hindered by what happens if I get called for an interview? I feel like a frumpy mess and I am need of a serious haircut. My wardrobe has to transform practically overnight. But I have to fight back those feelings with the "you cannot win the lottery if you never play" mentality. I have come too far to even get to this point - I cannot disappoint myself.