Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Major Funkiness

So many things have happened since my last post - and all of these things have been pretty good excuses not to update.

After my last pour-out, I took a spontaneous mini-jump back into school life.  So if you were to be looking for me at 7am on some mornings - I would be sitting in a classroom at a local community college, learning.

I also got in touch with that teaching program advisor after a spell of random events (my transcripts were placed in another person's box, another person who has not worked there since the beginning of the year, and the advisor just happened to see some papers peeking from this box of things to be forgotten, and she was able to reconnect with me) and she gave me a viable plan.  Wish I could have known this plan before I applied for my current class because it not a necessary course in the long run.  But He is Master over time.

Retail exhausts and frustrates me.  It has always been this way - but the lack of routine is what is the most frustrating.  Before my daughter came into this world, routine was the enemy.  But now ask me how it is when I don't get to see my daughter in over 40 hours due to my schedule or through "clo-pen" shifts.  Not sure how routine would feel, but I imagine it is this way:
Waking up at the same time everyday to get daughter ready for daycare (and Routine would allow ME to take her to daycare instead of leaving it to my husband (he is a champ, by the way) who is good friends with Routine).  I would go to work, leave work at a regular time everyday and early enough to pick up baby girl.  After work, we could do ANYTHING, go to the library (we maybe get to go once every couple of months now), go to the park, go shopping, maybe enroll her into a water babies class....and then we could make and have dinner together with Daddy.  Without Routine's evil twin Retail, we could also have WEEKENDS - Time to do things I have always wanted to do, various events/festivals that happen in town, see friends, do things that my soul has hungered to do such as becoming more involved in the community or in the local church.  We won't even go into the bliss HOLIDAYS could bring.

...but Retail is our main source of income, it is also the provider of health insurance incase baby girl gets sick or goes in for well-baby checkups...

I have been trying to find a way to break from Retail since my daughter was born or even find a way to change Retail into something like Routine.

I miss my baby girl a lot...and it has only gotten worse since she is so full of energy and personality.  She is walking and just pure FUN.  She has always been pure fun, but now that she is a little more independent and isn't waking every three hours as well as doing things on her own - it is exciting watching her discover new things or talents that she didn't know she had...and I feel as though I'm missing it all.

So that has been on my mind for the last...I can't even remember.

I am not going to log onto Facebook for Lent, so I will hopefully update more on here.  So until then....

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Little Victories

The last couple of days have been a whirlwind of energy, laziness, and energized laziness.

Upon waking yesterday morning, I felt sick to my stomach and let's just say things were not going so well in the bathroom.  I hated doing this, but I called in sick because I was not going to be of very much use between bathroom time and stomach cramps.  So I catnapped as much as I could, all with the gazillion things that go on in my mind when my hands are idle.  So I spent the day being productive in reorganizing the finances on this new software I'm trying out, and breaking out the cross-stitching that had not been touched since before Lily was ever on the horizon.

I also proceeded to hang some things up around the house, because I am desperate to feel settled in the new place.

This morning Chris and I had a breakfast date over free Chick-Fil-A spicy chicken biscuits after taking Lily to "school" (aka daycare) and listening to preschoolers at a presentation given by the Heard Natural Science Museum.  The two presenters were showing off various items and their place in nature such as turtle shells, pelts, and foliage.  There was one precocious (and precious) youngling who kept asking "those" questions; "The turtle died?  How did it die?  Why did it die?...and such related difficult questions.  I wonder how I'm going to answer when it's my turn to answer...

Chris left for work and I commenced on being productive.  I hung up more wall decor, including getting the printer to behave and print some pictures of Baby Girl to put in this frame I got for her room.  Needing some household items, I went shopping for such and picked up a couple of fat quarters.  For those of you who didn't know, I got my very first sewing machine this past Christmas and having never used one am itching for inspiration and nervous to jump in without any idea of where to start.  I picked up these two because they appealed to me and hopefully will provide me with some inspiration as to their intended purpose in life.

purse? blanket? flying carpet?

I also put myself in a position where my vulnerabilities are going to be exposed.  I contacted someone about an alternative teacher preparation program.  Christopher challenged me to do this, and I've been meaning to, but I am afraid - afraid that the answer will be no.  But I know I have a backup plan, one that will take several years to accomplish.

The dilemma: one of the requirements of an alt-cert program is an undergraduate degree with a minimum GPA of 2.5.  Yeah, my vulnerability is that requirement because it is lower.  You see, my last couple of years of school were full of many struggles, including how to cope with my diagnosis of ADHD, to where when I got overwhelmed with alot of the same, I would just shut down.  This was never a problem before because I was involved in so many the point I was overstimulated mentally-which is sanity for someone with ADHD.  So although my first couple of years of school were good (band, fencing, school, band), my last couple of years were essentially the same as me driving in a fast car that is about to go off a cliff, and me quickly trying to tie up ends to graduate with just my history degree instead of two degrees as planned was me jumping out of the car before the car goes over.  A quick and dirty end to my undergraduate career, and I'm still scuffed today (no ones jumps out of a car going that fast without some scrapes).

There are a couple of options, and I have to accept the answer that I don't want to hear...but if I don't try, how will I ever know?  ...and hopefully even if the answer is no, they will truly have the heart of a teacher and lend me the guidance as to how to proceed with my backup plan.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Welcome 2011

Curious to see how far I will go into the blog-osphere this year.  I guess my excuses will fall to, "I'm tired after working all day", "My daughter takes up my free time", "I had to do the laundry"...  But then on the other hand, those "excuses", or experiences are what will add to a fruitful, yet boring, blog.

Today was a great step toward feeling more invigorated and productive.  Since two days ago, I was really wanting to rearrange the massive living area that makes up our living room.  Before today, we had closed off part of the space with the couch to make two spaces; living and office.  Since Lily has been showing off her new skill of free standing (going from a sitting to standing position without pulling herself up on anything) whenever she can, be it the living room floor, or couch, or Mommy and Daddy's bed - we figured that the walking milestone is even closer.  So I pushed the Great Wall of Living Room couch against the wall which opened up the entire space.  Now Lily can walk her dragon toy from one end to the other.  Now to tidy up said cluttered room.

We also were fortunate enough to catch up with a couple of dear friends for dinner.  We haven't seen Owen and Amanda for several months.  Owen babysat Lily for about an hour when there was a crazy overlap in schedules a few months ago, and Amanda has been busy being on call and doing what doctor's do, so the last time she saw Lily was probably when she was around two months old?

I am going to pause at this, because tomorrow morning is another day at the saltmines...and Baby Girl will be waking in a few hours as well...

Until next time, but hopefully that next time will not be in 2012...