Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Little Victories

The last couple of days have been a whirlwind of energy, laziness, and energized laziness.

Upon waking yesterday morning, I felt sick to my stomach and let's just say things were not going so well in the bathroom.  I hated doing this, but I called in sick because I was not going to be of very much use between bathroom time and stomach cramps.  So I catnapped as much as I could, all with the gazillion things that go on in my mind when my hands are idle.  So I spent the day being productive in reorganizing the finances on this new software I'm trying out, and breaking out the cross-stitching that had not been touched since before Lily was ever on the horizon.

I also proceeded to hang some things up around the house, because I am desperate to feel settled in the new place.

This morning Chris and I had a breakfast date over free Chick-Fil-A spicy chicken biscuits after taking Lily to "school" (aka daycare) and listening to preschoolers at a presentation given by the Heard Natural Science Museum.  The two presenters were showing off various items and their place in nature such as turtle shells, pelts, and foliage.  There was one precocious (and precious) youngling who kept asking "those" questions; "The turtle died?  How did it die?  Why did it die?...and such related difficult questions.  I wonder how I'm going to answer when it's my turn to answer...

Chris left for work and I commenced on being productive.  I hung up more wall decor, including getting the printer to behave and print some pictures of Baby Girl to put in this frame I got for her room.  Needing some household items, I went shopping for such and picked up a couple of fat quarters.  For those of you who didn't know, I got my very first sewing machine this past Christmas and having never used one am itching for inspiration and nervous to jump in without any idea of where to start.  I picked up these two because they appealed to me and hopefully will provide me with some inspiration as to their intended purpose in life.

purse? blanket? flying carpet?

I also put myself in a position where my vulnerabilities are going to be exposed.  I contacted someone about an alternative teacher preparation program.  Christopher challenged me to do this, and I've been meaning to, but I am afraid - afraid that the answer will be no.  But I know I have a backup plan, one that will take several years to accomplish.

The dilemma: one of the requirements of an alt-cert program is an undergraduate degree with a minimum GPA of 2.5.  Yeah, my vulnerability is that requirement because it is lower.  You see, my last couple of years of school were full of many struggles, including how to cope with my diagnosis of ADHD, to where when I got overwhelmed with alot of the same, I would just shut down.  This was never a problem before because I was involved in so many things...to the point I was overstimulated mentally-which is sanity for someone with ADHD.  So although my first couple of years of school were good (band, fencing, school, band), my last couple of years were essentially the same as me driving in a fast car that is about to go off a cliff, and me quickly trying to tie up ends to graduate with just my history degree instead of two degrees as planned was me jumping out of the car before the car goes over.  A quick and dirty end to my undergraduate career, and I'm still scuffed today (no ones jumps out of a car going that fast without some scrapes).

There are a couple of options, and I have to accept the answer that I don't want to hear...but if I don't try, how will I ever know?  ...and hopefully even if the answer is no, they will truly have the heart of a teacher and lend me the guidance as to how to proceed with my backup plan.

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