Crickets chirping

Nothing of real interest to report at this time. I guess it would be more accurate to say that I cannot think too much about what is going on out there in the real world of teacher hiring because all I see is the steadfast decline of jobs on the teacher job network and no real "fresh meat" to work with now. I did finally get a very kind rejection letter from a school not too far from here. So I guess it is nice that they are receiving my application...yes?

...and of course that mere thought sparks my panic mode, because I have not received a rejection letter from other schools, perhaps there is still a chance??!? I should know better.

However, I am more ready now, I finally got a haircut yesterday (Tuesday) and even had my first experience with eyebrow threading...my eyebrows are still slightly sensitive from the journey. Perhaps it is better to feel like someone is scraping a multi-toothed fork across your brow, than to feel a soothing hot goop only to be quickly stunned by ripping pain. They say waxing decreases elasticity in your skin...and I might be willing to try the threading out again, but perhaps with someone else who doesn't hover over you and reminding you of all the other facial services she provides...and if I need my upper lip threaded...uh...no, I don't think so?

I even bought some clothes...and I'm trying not to feel guilty for spending money. This is especially so because I just had to buy some new hot rollers because the hot rollers that I have owned for years decided to up and disappear the one day, of a year or so, that I need them. If I had an interview after my haircut yesterday, I would have been super confident with the whole "throw my head back and let my locks fall into the right place" performance. Today was back to, "I'm hot and my hair is frizzed out, so hello again, elastic."

Right now I am waiting for some software to download and then to bed for an early wake-up. I need to find some tangible routine...

closure

So I never received the feedback from the persons I should have received this feedback through. I went to someone else who was involved in the decision-making process, and this was good because he was confused as to what was said in my interview and to hear that something had changed. Well, things have a habit of changing when nothing is decided in over a month. He explained that I would have been chosen for one of the positions (there were two) but my availability was the breaking point (funny how I could hear part of me say "NOOOOO" when I explained where my career environment was changing and I said those words "...do what is best for the business..."

At least I now know that there was nothing else that I could have done better. The bad news is that I wonder how much my management team is willing to invest in me, as far as development opportunities, moving forward as I essentially placed an approximate expiration date on my time with this company. In a matter of two weeks, I will "officially" have been with this company for five years - I state "officially" because I was working shifts before my "actual hire date".

Now that I have some closure, I am ready to go full swing into landing an internship. So now I am swimming through the gut-wrenching tasks of creating cover letters and rewriting my resume to reflect my teaching experiences. This is so difficult.

My determination is only hindered by what happens if I get called for an interview? I feel like a frumpy mess and I am need of a serious haircut. My wardrobe has to transform practically overnight. But I have to fight back those feelings with the "you cannot win the lottery if you never play" mentality. I have come too far to even get to this point - I cannot disappoint myself.

Hello July

...and hello heartache...and loss of motivation. But with the recent heartache, I was hoping to be even more motivated to get moving. Perhaps it is due to a lot of uncertainty and unanswered questions, and this is good as otherwise it would mean major disappointment/frustration.

Last Monday came and went, and I had heard nothing about the position I interviewed for at the END of May. Nobody knew anything it seemed, even a co-worker who has attained this position was wondering why my name was the only one showing up for trainings in a couple of weeks (lots of reasons for this, but nothing else was scheduled for anybody else). As I was working with one of the hiring managers for this position this last Friday, I (stupidly?) nonchalantly asked if they had come to a decision and he shook his head. Yesterday was the highlight of it all. I was helping a customer explore a webpage that the company provides for customers to schedule training sessions. I noticed another co-workers face along with other faces of trainers (this can only happen if a person is a trainer or fulfills trainings as a repair technician, and this face fit none of these roles). I mentioned it to her afterwards and she was like "Yes, I was told on Monday that I got it, but I'm not supposed to tell anyone until it is announced." We started talking a bit, because we're trying to figure out who the second spot went to, but then someone else joined in the conversation (at this point we are speaking as we don't know anything to keep it unknown until an announcement) and they said they heard there was only one spot being filled because the store could not support two, and then she mentioned how she hoped a person would not get the "Business" training position because of whatever reason. I am irked because there was no feedback given to me if there was only one position (others were being told "no") and all I hear is "we'll let you know". This has to be some of the most unprofessional practices that could go on in regards to hiring. I have placed some things on hold or just slowed down the process of it...but now I'm ready to go full steam and look at getting an internship (despite I will be scared to death with just a few days left before school starts to prepare if I am even hired).

I wish I had someone at work I could completely confide in, my husband has already dealt with some of the problems that can arise if the wrong person hears your concerns. As far as the other half goes, he has returned to his struggle of not knowing what to do with his life. He has some ideas and I know I am the same way (how many times over the last year have I flirted with the idea of getting into the biomedical industry or lab technology, but I have to stay true to the course that doors seem to keep opening for). I wish some doors (and windows) would shut and the true path that God has designed for him becomes a little more obvious. We both know how clear that vision from God appears, often clear as mud. I also wish we had friends that lived closer that we could spend time with. Our two good friends that lived in the area moved back to Austin this last week. How nice it would be to go back, but that cannot happen for quite sometime, at least 18 months from now or until I gain my teacher certification and my husband can either find work there or do enough networking that he can have there what he has here.

Whenever it seems that I am doing something right, I can usually have it confirmed when demons start appearing. Thoughts jump into my head that distract and confuse me and they have nothing to do with the good work I know He has in store for me. The devil expects me to either act on these thoughts or feel guilty about even thinking these things and then feel less worthy, but I know where I am based. I am seated in His Hands, and evil will not keep me from His Love.

I wonder if demons take on sinus infections, because I feel like another one is looming and that is also keeping me off the good pace I started last week off with. My Effective Teaching Practices class starts this week, so maybe that will light a fire under what needs to get moving.

Not motivated or not, this is a good time to do something productive.