Sunday, July 8, 2012

Hello July

...and hello heartache...and loss of motivation. But with the recent heartache, I was hoping to be even more motivated to get moving. Perhaps it is due to a lot of uncertainty and unanswered questions, and this is good as otherwise it would mean major disappointment/frustration.

Last Monday came and went, and I had heard nothing about the position I interviewed for at the END of May. Nobody knew anything it seemed, even a co-worker who has attained this position was wondering why my name was the only one showing up for trainings in a couple of weeks (lots of reasons for this, but nothing else was scheduled for anybody else). As I was working with one of the hiring managers for this position this last Friday, I (stupidly?) nonchalantly asked if they had come to a decision and he shook his head. Yesterday was the highlight of it all. I was helping a customer explore a webpage that the company provides for customers to schedule training sessions. I noticed another co-workers face along with other faces of trainers (this can only happen if a person is a trainer or fulfills trainings as a repair technician, and this face fit none of these roles). I mentioned it to her afterwards and she was like "Yes, I was told on Monday that I got it, but I'm not supposed to tell anyone until it is announced." We started talking a bit, because we're trying to figure out who the second spot went to, but then someone else joined in the conversation (at this point we are speaking as we don't know anything to keep it unknown until an announcement) and they said they heard there was only one spot being filled because the store could not support two, and then she mentioned how she hoped a person would not get the "Business" training position because of whatever reason. I am irked because there was no feedback given to me if there was only one position (others were being told "no") and all I hear is "we'll let you know". This has to be some of the most unprofessional practices that could go on in regards to hiring. I have placed some things on hold or just slowed down the process of it...but now I'm ready to go full steam and look at getting an internship (despite I will be scared to death with just a few days left before school starts to prepare if I am even hired).

I wish I had someone at work I could completely confide in, my husband has already dealt with some of the problems that can arise if the wrong person hears your concerns. As far as the other half goes, he has returned to his struggle of not knowing what to do with his life. He has some ideas and I know I am the same way (how many times over the last year have I flirted with the idea of getting into the biomedical industry or lab technology, but I have to stay true to the course that doors seem to keep opening for). I wish some doors (and windows) would shut and the true path that God has designed for him becomes a little more obvious. We both know how clear that vision from God appears, often clear as mud. I also wish we had friends that lived closer that we could spend time with. Our two good friends that lived in the area moved back to Austin this last week. How nice it would be to go back, but that cannot happen for quite sometime, at least 18 months from now or until I gain my teacher certification and my husband can either find work there or do enough networking that he can have there what he has here.

Whenever it seems that I am doing something right, I can usually have it confirmed when demons start appearing. Thoughts jump into my head that distract and confuse me and they have nothing to do with the good work I know He has in store for me. The devil expects me to either act on these thoughts or feel guilty about even thinking these things and then feel less worthy, but I know where I am based. I am seated in His Hands, and evil will not keep me from His Love.

I wonder if demons take on sinus infections, because I feel like another one is looming and that is also keeping me off the good pace I started last week off with. My Effective Teaching Practices class starts this week, so maybe that will light a fire under what needs to get moving.

Not motivated or not, this is a good time to do something productive.

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