blahness

Jobs applied for: 58
Interviews: 0
Offers: 0

Sorry that I have not been very active in blogging these last couple of weeks. The stats above pretty much sum up my life the last several weeks. The official first day of school in this area is in five days. I've already seen yellow school buses driving by my house, more news stories are gearing up for the first day of school. Each day makes me more miserable.

I had the last four days off from work: When I first noticed this in the schedule weeks ago, I was elated because it would give me a wide enough window to accept interviews and/or prepare a classroom. I did manage to wash a ton of dishes needing to be washed and I got a couple of errands done on Monday, even paying over $350 dollars for two textbooks to use for a couple of math classes I am taking this fall. You better believe I felt a little more depressed after unloading that amount of money.

Applications for the Clinical Teaching Experience are going to be accepted in two weeks. Depending on whether I am granted a CTE, we still have to figure out how next spring is going to look. My husband doesn't want me to work during this time so I can be completely devoted to the CTE, but my part time job is the only thing that is giving us health benefits. The CTE will cost about $3000 out of pocket...

Words that have gotten me through today "One needs trials to have triumphs". Would this count as multiple trials or one big hairy trial?

Bad fishing

I state this because I have had no bites on the job search. I'm so excited about a potential classroom, but because I am generalist, I do not even know which direction I would go if I little time to prepare a room. I'm already excited about joining another professional organization that relates to teaching in the digital age. Given where I currently work and my background in executing technology based trainings, teaching and technology go hand in hand.

So far today I applied for three different teaching positions at two school districts. I just have to keep on keeping on.

Please send prayers and thoughts our way as my husband is having to deal with uncertainty on the job front. He interviewed to teach students at one of the high schools in our hometown ISD, and found out yesterday that he won that spot, gaining a good number of students to teach privately next year. He has been holding out for a full time spot at the church he has worked at for over a year with part time hours. The new boss says that he values my husbands work but he will not budge on making him full time, even though he is filling in for a full time position that was supposedly filled over a month ago. He wants to and would rather continue with this music ministry, but with an increase of students in his studio to support his family which has no benefits and holding out for a full time church position with the music ministry which does have benefits...there is a lot of uncertainty where God wants us to go. At this point, it seems best to go for the route that takes care of his family more. I do not know what to tell him - if I knew, then I wouldn't be raving and ranting on this blog and searching for more fulfillment in my life.

It becomes ever more clear that my days with my company are coming to a close. Perhaps I am tired of doing lots of different things, but no acknowledgement comes my way but acknowledgement goes out everywhere else to others. Next week I know that I am doing at least five workshops over three days because no one else is comfortable in doing them. Less obscure is my theory of limited development coming my way, as they are sending other people through a development program (again) who may not be in the best interest of doing said job. Only a handful of people know where I am on my journey, and I know they are heartbroken when I mention that I have not heard about anything. I know that I have not gotten through all I have over the last 18 months to stop at this...but what else can I do right now that I'm not already doing?

...tiny disturbances...

I have only received three form rejection letters from schools. My only ray of hope is that I applied to more positions from these ISDs, but I have not received any calls. Of course, these are school districts of whose policy I understand. For example, there are three band director positions with one of these school districts. This particular school district I have a good pulse on because my in-laws work in this school district. I already know that these positions have been filled as of this past Saturday. So I'm slightly surprised when one gets posted today, even though the position was filled a few days prior. They post the jobs as a courtesy, but it is sad because they could be missing out on some excellent prospects (not saying that those that are filling the positions are less than excellent!), but there is always the chance.

It is now August. It is miserable outside and where did July go to? Some schools start their new teacher academy next Monday, with most schools having their basic first Staff Development in two weeks. I have a schedule at my current position through then.

Realistically, I need to start considering the options of the student teaching option for next spring. If I recall correctly, Region 10 starts interviewing people for those spots in September. I am trying to keep busy, and with all the coursework I am completing for Region 10, plus taking TWO math classes at Collin, this should not be hard to accomplish. I am taking math classes to try to defer my student loan payments some more, as well as take advantage of a state grant that I qualify for, which I need to be enrolled in six hours to qualify. One of them is online, and the other only happens on Monday nights (so this would not be a major burden for retail hours).

I have applications throughout the major ISDs in the area, except for Dallas (and anyone in the teaching field probably knows why) and Frisco (because you have to know the right people on the inside and I also have just not had time to complete it). Although I think I would prefer teaching in a small town, one never knows when the elementary school just one block away might need someone to teach there (very wishful thinking).

I am trying to maintain this blog at least once a week, which now means not allowing ten days to lapse between posts. As I am not planning lessons or classroom layouts, there is not much else for me to do besides keeping up with my Region 10 coursework.

In other news, Hulu Plus now works on AppleTV and this equals very dangerous addictions impending. I am already into the tens with episodes of Once Upon a Time in less than 48 hours. Think of me :)

Crickets chirping

Nothing of real interest to report at this time. I guess it would be more accurate to say that I cannot think too much about what is going on out there in the real world of teacher hiring because all I see is the steadfast decline of jobs on the teacher job network and no real "fresh meat" to work with now. I did finally get a very kind rejection letter from a school not too far from here. So I guess it is nice that they are receiving my application...yes?

...and of course that mere thought sparks my panic mode, because I have not received a rejection letter from other schools, perhaps there is still a chance??!? I should know better.

However, I am more ready now, I finally got a haircut yesterday (Tuesday) and even had my first experience with eyebrow threading...my eyebrows are still slightly sensitive from the journey. Perhaps it is better to feel like someone is scraping a multi-toothed fork across your brow, than to feel a soothing hot goop only to be quickly stunned by ripping pain. They say waxing decreases elasticity in your skin...and I might be willing to try the threading out again, but perhaps with someone else who doesn't hover over you and reminding you of all the other facial services she provides...and if I need my upper lip threaded...uh...no, I don't think so?

I even bought some clothes...and I'm trying not to feel guilty for spending money. This is especially so because I just had to buy some new hot rollers because the hot rollers that I have owned for years decided to up and disappear the one day, of a year or so, that I need them. If I had an interview after my haircut yesterday, I would have been super confident with the whole "throw my head back and let my locks fall into the right place" performance. Today was back to, "I'm hot and my hair is frizzed out, so hello again, elastic."

Right now I am waiting for some software to download and then to bed for an early wake-up. I need to find some tangible routine...

closure

So I never received the feedback from the persons I should have received this feedback through. I went to someone else who was involved in the decision-making process, and this was good because he was confused as to what was said in my interview and to hear that something had changed. Well, things have a habit of changing when nothing is decided in over a month. He explained that I would have been chosen for one of the positions (there were two) but my availability was the breaking point (funny how I could hear part of me say "NOOOOO" when I explained where my career environment was changing and I said those words "...do what is best for the business..."

At least I now know that there was nothing else that I could have done better. The bad news is that I wonder how much my management team is willing to invest in me, as far as development opportunities, moving forward as I essentially placed an approximate expiration date on my time with this company. In a matter of two weeks, I will "officially" have been with this company for five years - I state "officially" because I was working shifts before my "actual hire date".

Now that I have some closure, I am ready to go full swing into landing an internship. So now I am swimming through the gut-wrenching tasks of creating cover letters and rewriting my resume to reflect my teaching experiences. This is so difficult.

My determination is only hindered by what happens if I get called for an interview? I feel like a frumpy mess and I am need of a serious haircut. My wardrobe has to transform practically overnight. But I have to fight back those feelings with the "you cannot win the lottery if you never play" mentality. I have come too far to even get to this point - I cannot disappoint myself.

Hello July

...and hello heartache...and loss of motivation. But with the recent heartache, I was hoping to be even more motivated to get moving. Perhaps it is due to a lot of uncertainty and unanswered questions, and this is good as otherwise it would mean major disappointment/frustration.

Last Monday came and went, and I had heard nothing about the position I interviewed for at the END of May. Nobody knew anything it seemed, even a co-worker who has attained this position was wondering why my name was the only one showing up for trainings in a couple of weeks (lots of reasons for this, but nothing else was scheduled for anybody else). As I was working with one of the hiring managers for this position this last Friday, I (stupidly?) nonchalantly asked if they had come to a decision and he shook his head. Yesterday was the highlight of it all. I was helping a customer explore a webpage that the company provides for customers to schedule training sessions. I noticed another co-workers face along with other faces of trainers (this can only happen if a person is a trainer or fulfills trainings as a repair technician, and this face fit none of these roles). I mentioned it to her afterwards and she was like "Yes, I was told on Monday that I got it, but I'm not supposed to tell anyone until it is announced." We started talking a bit, because we're trying to figure out who the second spot went to, but then someone else joined in the conversation (at this point we are speaking as we don't know anything to keep it unknown until an announcement) and they said they heard there was only one spot being filled because the store could not support two, and then she mentioned how she hoped a person would not get the "Business" training position because of whatever reason. I am irked because there was no feedback given to me if there was only one position (others were being told "no") and all I hear is "we'll let you know". This has to be some of the most unprofessional practices that could go on in regards to hiring. I have placed some things on hold or just slowed down the process of it...but now I'm ready to go full steam and look at getting an internship (despite I will be scared to death with just a few days left before school starts to prepare if I am even hired).

I wish I had someone at work I could completely confide in, my husband has already dealt with some of the problems that can arise if the wrong person hears your concerns. As far as the other half goes, he has returned to his struggle of not knowing what to do with his life. He has some ideas and I know I am the same way (how many times over the last year have I flirted with the idea of getting into the biomedical industry or lab technology, but I have to stay true to the course that doors seem to keep opening for). I wish some doors (and windows) would shut and the true path that God has designed for him becomes a little more obvious. We both know how clear that vision from God appears, often clear as mud. I also wish we had friends that lived closer that we could spend time with. Our two good friends that lived in the area moved back to Austin this last week. How nice it would be to go back, but that cannot happen for quite sometime, at least 18 months from now or until I gain my teacher certification and my husband can either find work there or do enough networking that he can have there what he has here.

Whenever it seems that I am doing something right, I can usually have it confirmed when demons start appearing. Thoughts jump into my head that distract and confuse me and they have nothing to do with the good work I know He has in store for me. The devil expects me to either act on these thoughts or feel guilty about even thinking these things and then feel less worthy, but I know where I am based. I am seated in His Hands, and evil will not keep me from His Love.

I wonder if demons take on sinus infections, because I feel like another one is looming and that is also keeping me off the good pace I started last week off with. My Effective Teaching Practices class starts this week, so maybe that will light a fire under what needs to get moving.

Not motivated or not, this is a good time to do something productive.

Next semi-chapter

***this entry is best viewed if your window is narrower, wider windows mess up the object wrapping below***

It has definitely been a mix of emotions over the last week, but mostly exciting emotions. The last week has been consumed with either driving in the area of my hometown and taking my daughter to the Houston Zoo, reading my current library book, trying to enroll in as many courses that I can for the Region 10 teaching program, or complete the assignments that are part of the introductory phase of this program (i.e. printing out notes, prepping a binder, scheduling my fingerprinting session...etc.).

The trip home was fun, albeit exhausting with all the driving there, to and from all the destinations we visited while there and of course the drive back. Little girl loved the zoo, although she threw her sunglasses into the trashcan which are now "lost" to her (my father bravely stuck his hand inside to rescue them, but to teach her a lesson, let her know they were gone - she will get them back as soon as she needs them and hopefully by then she'll know not to throw her sunglasses away). Mommy had to learn her hard lesson as well, as towards the end of the zoo trip, she noticed that her sunglasses went missing, the ones that were purchased just two days before, *sigh*.

Chilling with "MawMaw"

Posing with "PawPaw"

Despite it being such a very hot week in Texas the last few days, we had a nice time. At least it was not like our last trip to Six Flags when my sister had to be golf-carted to the First Aid Center because of heat exhaustion.

It was crowded this past Saturday, but my father does not get to travel to where we live whenever my mother and sister visit as he is often working. He was very glad to take a few hours to bond with his granddaughter.

The Region 10 whirlwind is going well - I have an Orientation tonight where hopefully things will finally settle in. The last few nights I have been working on the online modules that I have registered for as I only have six weeks to complete it - I'm hoping to have it done before then.

At work: I was pulled aside a couple of days ago to essentially get feedback from my interview. He said my interview was excellent, but he had to know about my availability. Since I knew I was accepted into the program, I felt I had to be honest about what to expect from me regarding availability - and I mentioned that in the best of likelihoods, they would be looking for another to fill my spot at the beginning of next year if I were to be chosen. I told him I understand that they have to make a decision that is best for the company. I really hope they appreciate my honesty and are willing to offer me the position knowing my latest news. They hope to have a final decision by Monday...I think admission of my long term goal may have sunk the short term goal - but I have to be true to myself. I'm just excited they are actually considering me after all the times before where they either did not interview me or gave me contradicting feedback.

At this point, I feel that there is so much to do, but I do not know what to do with myself at this exact moment. I am going to try to update at least once a week. Even if no one reads this, at least it helps me with my own sanity.