Next semi-chapter

***this entry is best viewed if your window is narrower, wider windows mess up the object wrapping below***

It has definitely been a mix of emotions over the last week, but mostly exciting emotions. The last week has been consumed with either driving in the area of my hometown and taking my daughter to the Houston Zoo, reading my current library book, trying to enroll in as many courses that I can for the Region 10 teaching program, or complete the assignments that are part of the introductory phase of this program (i.e. printing out notes, prepping a binder, scheduling my fingerprinting session...etc.).

The trip home was fun, albeit exhausting with all the driving there, to and from all the destinations we visited while there and of course the drive back. Little girl loved the zoo, although she threw her sunglasses into the trashcan which are now "lost" to her (my father bravely stuck his hand inside to rescue them, but to teach her a lesson, let her know they were gone - she will get them back as soon as she needs them and hopefully by then she'll know not to throw her sunglasses away). Mommy had to learn her hard lesson as well, as towards the end of the zoo trip, she noticed that her sunglasses went missing, the ones that were purchased just two days before, *sigh*.

Chilling with "MawMaw"

Posing with "PawPaw"

Despite it being such a very hot week in Texas the last few days, we had a nice time. At least it was not like our last trip to Six Flags when my sister had to be golf-carted to the First Aid Center because of heat exhaustion.

It was crowded this past Saturday, but my father does not get to travel to where we live whenever my mother and sister visit as he is often working. He was very glad to take a few hours to bond with his granddaughter.

The Region 10 whirlwind is going well - I have an Orientation tonight where hopefully things will finally settle in. The last few nights I have been working on the online modules that I have registered for as I only have six weeks to complete it - I'm hoping to have it done before then.

At work: I was pulled aside a couple of days ago to essentially get feedback from my interview. He said my interview was excellent, but he had to know about my availability. Since I knew I was accepted into the program, I felt I had to be honest about what to expect from me regarding availability - and I mentioned that in the best of likelihoods, they would be looking for another to fill my spot at the beginning of next year if I were to be chosen. I told him I understand that they have to make a decision that is best for the company. I really hope they appreciate my honesty and are willing to offer me the position knowing my latest news. They hope to have a final decision by Monday...I think admission of my long term goal may have sunk the short term goal - but I have to be true to myself. I'm just excited they are actually considering me after all the times before where they either did not interview me or gave me contradicting feedback.

At this point, I feel that there is so much to do, but I do not know what to do with myself at this exact moment. I am going to try to update at least once a week. Even if no one reads this, at least it helps me with my own sanity.

...but not for long

I should have been checking my email before I went to work, instead of dealing with the calm but agonizing wait process. When I came home, I decided to check the website to see if the submission checklist had changed, not expecting to see anything else, but was shocked to see a different screen revealing the word acceptance and then the almost equal shock of paying a pretty hefty acceptance fee in my daze.

I was accepted into the program. Now the next whirlwind begins. Did I mention that God definitely has his hand in ALL of this? Here's why: All along I knew there was going to be an acceptance fee, and I just kind of had a tiny seed of strong faith that we would overcome it when we got to that point, if we ever got to that point. These last couple of weeks have given us a financial beating because Dear Husband has not been teaching lessons since school is out for the summer. So you can imagine the tiny plummet of my gut when I saw the acceptance fee, I thought I would have a few more days to contemplate that barrier. But did I mention this story - less than two months ago, we had to get our G3 serviced because of some stallings in the engine while driving, and in the end we had to pay close to $490 to get it repaired as it was something outside our warranty (and some yadda yadda about not getting is serviced at X miles, we have never had a new car, so servicing the car at x miles is foreign to us). Well, then we get notice (well, my in-laws get a notice, because it is in their name) that there is a recall on pretty much the parts that we had to get service on. So we try to get our money back...but we didn't take it in on time with the servicings and so are only entitled to $X amount. So my father-in-law, who has the check in his name anyways, decides to reason with them. They cannot come to an agreement, so the check stands at 3/5 of the original amount. Dad cashes the check, and then writes us a check...for exactly $500. We are so blessed by his generosity. This check was written out the same day I find out about being accepted, and that the amount to continue with the program is that exact figure.

But I know that He ransomed us for heaven, so why should I be surprised by this non-important amount that came on the wings of faith? Moments like this reaffirm that I am on His intended path, and I hope and pray that I do not go astray.

...and now we wait, again.

...but getting to this point has left me feeling...

I actually got her to say "Cheese!"

I received a text from the person who was holding the third and last recommendation form for the Teacher Preparation and Certification program. "I just sent it." are probably the happiest string of four words I saw today. Of course, I wasn't completely relieved until I saw that it had cleared TPC and its receipt was confirmed on their site. I got an extra little boost when the professor that had submitted the second recommendation sent a secondary response saying he gave me the highest commendation he could think of. God definitely knows the destination and puts the right people in our lives at the right times.

This step has passed, but now we wait for whether I will be accepted into the program. This should take 7-10 days, so hopefully and likely it will not be as much as a hair-pulling experience the last month has been with waiting for recommendations to become completed.

The rest of my day was not as productive as the morning, as in not getting more cleaning done. Little girl's clothes did get their deep washing - when I've had enough of the sighing over the stains that linger still after washing them, and get them soaking in hot water with the Oxi-clean and scrub scrub scrub. I even had to pull out the bleach on a couple of items. So they are in a regular laundry cycle. I keep forgetting that I need to pack, as the two of us will be traveling on Thursday. Husband must stay behind to finish out the musical and get paid.

On the technology front, I'm starting to realize that my six-year old MacBook is showing its age. Just trying to load the above picture, the hard drive had to do three passes to even acknowledge the folder. I will definitely be in the market for a new laptop this year, and although the new Retina Display MacBook Pros are nice, they are more than I will need. The MacBook Air updates are now better contenders to the MacBook Pros that I was primarily considering before last week's keynote. In about a month, I will be in a better position to realistically consider the purchase process and we can see where we are at.

Until next time...

Just one more

On my quest to get all of my requirements for application screening complete, I finally heard back yesterday from one of my professors that he would be happy to endorse me for this program. I submitted his information late last night, Region 10 sent it out around 8am, and the professor completed it before 9am. It is amazing what timely response can do for the spirit. I am now either waiting for one of the original references to submit her form, or for another professor to step out of the shadows and accept to recommend me.

Maybe I should consider one of my lab instructors as a possible reference?

As far as this morning has come along, I got the tires rotated and balanced as well as the oil changed and air filters replaced, all within an hour, and before 10am. Now that I've been home...I have spent an hour doing little, except start some research on air filters. I never seem to have the luck that when I must replace a filter or other seemingly unimportant auto part, my car always have the more "specialized" (i.e. expensive) component that never matches the price of the marquee list of services of the facility. It wasn't so rare that they had to run to an auto parts store. Afterwards, I was texting to my husband that I wonder if any cars use the listed $15 filter or if most cars are "special" like mine.

Now that it is 11am, I feel I must make the most of my day off and get things ready for when little girl and I leave for my old hometown on Thursday. I probably need to send a couple of emails regarding what is planned for this weekend. It is a bummer that I have to leave earlier than desired on Sunday in order to make it to a work meeting, but I will take what I can get.

Still no word on the other work-related game changer, as they are trying to get through another task before they decide. His Timing is perfect, I must always remember that.

Messages

Whenever I am going through a period of frustration, there is always a point where I start to notice things that re-ground me and remind me of the calm that is on its way. It can be the flight of two birds right in front of me as I drive, a butterfly that appears out of no where, glancing at a page of text and not really reading anything have a couple of words that pop out to me and reassure me that I am not lost. Tonight I start on a random website, which links to a blog, and the very top entry references James I:

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.”

Persevere and know that He is there. Does He know my heart or what?

I was finally able to speak to someone at the teaching certification program. She said that it would be okay to change my references - that is great...now who? After some thought, I decided to send an email to two professors that I had last semester, hoping they would be able to confirm my sanity, er, abilities in a potential classroom. My only concern is that I'm not sure they are teaching any summer courses, so they may not be able to respond to my inquiries. As for me, I was just proud of myself for actually following through on something I thought would be scary - for fear of receiving a negative response. Putting it into perspective "I never have to see these people again, so what is there really to lose?"

We'll see how that chapter turns out...

The last few nights I have gone to bed past midnight, but I want to try something out in the kitchen tomorrow. I finally received my ebleskiver (or aebleskiver, with both pronounced able-skeever) pan, and am looking forward to making something with it in the morning.

Let the drooling commence...

...there is also an ebleskiver recipe that will help me on my quest to make the best Panera bread four-cheese egg souffle likeness...I need to get the hang of turning the ebleskivers in the pan first before I take on that challenge.

Irritated

This is not the week to contend with me. Everything is still up in the air and indecision is trying to sneak into my life at full force. It also doesn't help when the weekend I asked off some time ago is in jeopardy. First it was a meeting, and now it is a full day scheduled to work when it is even marked as a day off.

I was hoping that things would have moved along faster by now...this test is getting tough if it is a test of faith and patience.

We knew the summer would be a tough time financially, and that forecast is sadly coming to fruition. Too many other things to worry about, that I am not getting the chance to dwell too long on the issues mentioned in previous posts.

All I want to do is just nap...and avoid the issues.

...overload...

Still waiting for things to fall into place to make things happen. But another kink was thrown into play. As I have not been accepted into a teacher preparation program as of yet, I have pretty much missed the coursework that I could have taken this month. I thought I would have missed the big series of classes in July as the registration deadline was initially on the last day of May, but I went online trying to sort out what classes I would have to take, and discovered that they moved the July classes registration deadline to July.

Yesterday while at work as I was breaking down all the equipment from my workshop, a manager casually inquired about my work availability. Noting I was not aware of the majority of my classes being wiped away for the month and knowing that I pretty much missed the ball for July - I pretty much recited my official availability that is on record. No Sundays...need to be off by x time in the afternoon on x and x weekday. I had to be non-committal on this - there will be a handful of Saturdays where I cannot work in the afternoon until x in the evening. For what I do now...this is workable. But did I mention that the manager is one that is a decision-maker for that work position I interviewed for last week? In this particular position, the primetime is in the morning and afternoon...including Saturdays. The fact that this manager asked this particular question pretty much signals that this could be a deal-breaker, or perhaps more of a sudden death round in this quest for the position I have been seeking for so long.

More and more, this is what I see forming for the next few months: If I am accepted, it will likely be too hectic/late/impossible/stressful to locate an internship as a teacher of record in a classroom starting in August. I could do the Clinical Teaching Experience, CTE, (alternative certification version of student teaching) but I would only do this if I remained PT at my current job as I would be in the classroom during the first half of the school year. I would probably not do this, because it would not be paid, and I actually have to pay around $3000 to do this (at least with the internship, the $3000 or so would be deducted monthly from the paycheck you receive as a teacher). So realistically it would look like me staying in my current job through yet another Black Friday and Holiday, allowing me to stockpile some funds so that I can complete the CTE during the Spring half of the school year, complete it with flying colors, and pass tests to become a fully certified teacher in time for finding a position for the next school year.

Of course, this all depends on getting the next big anticipated email/letter that says, "accepted".

Now to light some fires under some people's bottoms...so I can get closer to that word.

I know He is in charge, and overall I am not worried, but I just need to find peace in the anticipation and take this waiting time to acknowledge all of the blessings in just getting to this point.

...limbo...

This is exactly where I am right now. There is no metaphorical "ball" in my court, but I wish I could just get the other player to at least aim in the right direction. Here is where my life stands:

Sector A: Interview went well, the manager that attended the interview as well as the manager that would have been in the interview, but couldn't, commented on how impressed they were that I was so prepared. I brought it. I took it seriously because this is seriously what drives me to do many of the things that I want to do, both in the short and long term of my life. There are a couple more people they need to interview, so hopefully I will hear some feedback/results next week.

Sector T: All that I can submit has been submitted. They are waiting for two references. I just need to be extra persistent with one as they said they would get it done this past weekend. The other who I never see because they are at a different store, I have "nudged" them by sending them an email - because honestly, maybe they don't check that account and it's sitting in an overflowing inbox between shopping ads and newsletters.

In other news, today was an odd day at work. Granted, I was off for the last three days before today, but it was as though some of the wiring for the store became frayed today somehow. I caught wind of some news that three co-workers are off to greener pastures as well as heard some very unsettling news about the pitfalls of feedback. It also made me realize that retail is a system that is in ever need of repair and upkeep. One problem gets fixed, while another problem (usually something that was a problem before but was repaired) pops up. A co-worker of mine that no longer works in the same store definitely nailed it when she referred to it as "a vicious cycle". I remember she got so much flack for obviously flubbing on her words, but there was definite truth to her Freudian slip.

I have also come to a realization that my life is often too absorbed in many peoples' lives. My heart can only handle so much and also with campaign season upon us, there is only so much ad hominem and personal political wars that I can take before I completely give up on humanity. The problem is that I have not figured out how exactly to prune the exposure - FB is only so user-friendly, but fails at mass friendlist editing. My mind has twice courted the idea of deactivating my account there and just communicating with people via this site. I know that I would have some very unhappy family members if they could not keep up with my daughter.

All I can do now is to utilize the ignore feed on FB, maybe I can control what feedback I receive from the social network.